Okay, I am in need of more prayers I think! In a little bit of a pickle, but not anything this women won't get herself out of! Started out yesterday, I went over lunch, dressed in my wig, in dress clothes and make up. I have my blood drawn and I make a deal with the nurse that the only way I want a call (yesterday) is if my hemoglobin was higher....I was already counting on a transfusion, so I didn't want to know anything more, unless I needed to know I didn't need one. I felt good, not great, but I was okay with going either direction today. The nurse and I joked. I said watch, I'll be like a 4 (remember I was a 8.9 and anything under an 8 is transfusion time) and she said, No, you would know it if you were. She agreed I looked too good to be that low. Even a few of the regular nurses and desk staff didn't recognize me. This is because again, I was dressed in work clothes, had my wig on and more make up. When I go to the cancer center, I'm not impressing anyone. Yoga pants, sweat shirt, turban head wrap and maybe if they are lucky, I throw on some eye liner. This is just so I don't scare EVERYONE and the hope that I can get some brownie points with Dr. Hantel...Again, I know I can't flirt away my illness, but if it makes me feel better, LET ME BE!!
So I get back to work and the phone rings, the nurse begins to question if I have checked my temperature, have I fainted, bled, etc. This can't be good! She tells me my WBC is 1.3 (0 is no protection at all) and my hemoglobin is a 6 (healthy people are 12, chemo around 10). WHAT!? I immediately checked my temp (yes, I carry a thermometer, anti-nausea meds, Ativan, Tylenol, wipes, pacifier, sometimes a McDonalds toy, a NASCAR and a wallet and check book in my hand me down Coach purse) and no temp. The nurse tells me that she has not talked to Dr. Hantel, but this will probably mean no chemo on Friday. That it would only consist of a transfusion. I'm not going to sugar coat my emotions, I melted! I closed my door for the first time in months in my office and just cried! I questioned everything. What am I doing getting out each day exposing myself to germs? What if Justin brings me home something from Kindergarten or day care? Why am exhausting all of my energy at work? Is this because I have not gone to see Liz lately? Do I need to control my diet more than I have been? But mostly, Why in the hell do I NOT feel like I'm sick with levels in the garbage can like they are??? I can not say my age is getting me out of this one. My levels are not controlled by my young vibrant age of 33 my blood counts are out of my control and that is damn scary.
I next went to my wonderful boss Brian and told him I needed to leave. This was hard for me, I have realized through this, everyone has an outlet with cancer. Mine has been work. Call me crazy!? Right? This is the place that I can escape to and not think of my illness. I can honestly say I spend 8 + hours there on a good day and the word cancer comes to my head maybe 1-2 times. I work really hard while I'm there to block out the bad.
To some, they might think this is selfish or backwards and that I should be spending my time with my family and working on healing. Don't get me wrong, I am doing all of this, but I noticed when I was home for the almost 2 weeks after being diagnosed, I was making myself crazy with the "what ifs" and looking online to learn about my horrible, aggressive form of breast cancer. When I returned to work, I started to come back together. Not every day is a good day, but I was able to get into "work mode" and that is when I knew being there was my outlet. Some may run, eat more or go on vacation, I go to work. Who cares? Plus, lets face it, Justin is an active 5 year old. He has A LOT of energy and mommy doesn't. It hurts to not have the energy to play soccer, or even play a game or get him his nightly ice cream fix. And Ryan, aka sumo wrestler is ACTIVE. He is getting so big and is heavy for me to cart around. I have realized that quality over quantity is key with them. And they are getting quality mommy time. Plus, I do not want either one of them to have the memory of this illness. So sometimes I feel like it is easier to distance myself from them.
It is so frustrating not having all of my answers of if I am doing the right thing here, but I have to trust what I'm currently doing is working. Yesterday I stepped back and I think I am. I have to trust I am doing the right thing and will know if I need to slow down. So that is what I have chosen to do with all of this. Just continue marching forward and following my "minute by minute day by day". cancer (notice no cap for the "c", a cancer survivor taught me this) is somewhat of a mind game I have learned this short time. I can have bad days and get angry, but only I can control my fight. I get the chemo is doing the majority of the work, but I can't give up and I have to constantly keep going. Working 8 hours a day and escaping my bad dream works. My thought is maybe the stupid tumor is getting jealous of me not giving it attention and it will decide to leave. Again, this is my theory and no one Else's. Also remember my mind goes a million miles a minute and later tomorrow I may have changed my mind! But this is as close as the way I feel I think and wanted to share.
Today I had my "chemo fix" at 8:30 and they reminded me it will be a long day. We started the Taxol, only after they paged Dr. Hantel one more time to confirm he wants to move forward because they realize my Platelets are below chemo levels too. This would explain the pin size bruises I have all over my legs from sitting on the floor with Ryan while he gets so excited to see me that he kicks his whole bottom half of his body off of the floor and gets my legs every time. I haven't learned to back up so I do not become a purple mess. But Dr. Hantel still agrees with me that we push forward. So Taxol until around 11:30 and then we moved on to 2 units (bags) of blood. Each takes 2 hours. It was weird to see a bag o blood on my IV pole, but I have to admit, I feel better and it was cake. I hope never to have to walk someone through this, but now I can. The nurse that saw me yesterday came in and shared her true feelings. She said wow, when I saw you yesterday I thought for sure your levels were high, but seeing you this morning, there is no doubt you need this. THANK YOU MISS WONDERFUL! But as the day has gone on, I have perked up more, even Don said he didn't realize how pale I was coming in here this morning. So I guess this is what I needed.
I still need the prayers that my WBC will rise and that I can stay healthy. I have almost nothing to fight off infection right now. So please pray for me. Unfortunately the transfusion will not help that count. This experience has reminded me how dangerous and scary all of this is, but I am doing my best to stand up and fight off the fears and just continuing the fight! And after watching the Stand Up To cancer, I think I am back to where I need to be. I need help though and prayer is what everyone can do for me. THANK YOU as always, and keep them coming!
I sure hope between the steroids and the super hero blood I received today, I will have a great weekend with my kids and family. But I have to listen to my body and stay away from germs to get back physically where I need to be. Mentally I'm almost there again. Just pray!
Have a wonderful weekend and Love to all!
Amber
Friday, September 7, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Labor Day
Happy Labor Day,
Thank God for a day off, right? I'm sure I'm not the only one who needed this extra day! We had a wonderful weekend at the lake again. The weather was perfect and it was a good end to summer! We headed up Friday evening after Chemo and came home this morning. Justin played with friends in the water and sand and Ryan just hung out and was an awesome baby like usual. I was able to get a nap in on Saturday and go to bed early both Saturday and Sunday night. We all usually sleep better up there, probably due to the abundance of fresh air, but I really slept good this time around....Without the assistance of my Ativan. This is a first since June!
Chemo was somewhat uneventful on Friday. They ran my blood work and discovered my Hemoglobin is a little low. It was not low enough on Friday to require a transfusion, but they know it is coasting in that direction so we are prepared for a blood transfusion this Friday:( I'm nervous and scared. I know people donate all the time for exactly this purpose, which makes me feel great, but it is just another scary first for me that I really never thought I would ever have to go through! Other than that, the chemo itself was uneventful. The drugs took another 2 hours and the blood work about a 1/2 hour. I always quiz my nurse to see from start to finish what time we are looking at being done. I just can not relax and I think this helps to get me through, but then when it takes longer or we get held up, I get a little annoyed. Just once, they should give me a completion time a little longer out so they aren't on my bad side when I leave there!
I have already prepared for this Friday. I guess with a transfusion they do the chemo first (2 1/2 hours) and then the transfusion (4 hours!) YIKES! I am in for a long day on Friday!! To speed this up, even if it is just a 1/2 hour going forward, I will start to do my blood work the day before. The cancer center is by my work, so I can get there over lunch to give blood if that means the following day I don't have to sit for a 1/2 hour to an hour waiting for my blood results. The problem is, they can't start anything until they get my blood results back, so it is literally just sitting around waiting. I don't have time for this and if it means less time there, I am willing to do this!
I'm feeling pretty good, I am wiped out, but this fatigue is a little different than what I experienced with the first set of drugs. I actually feel worse when I just wake up in the morning or from a nap and then gradually feel better. They did warn me about "under-doing it", which I do not think I even come close to this with 2 kids and a full time job, but they did say that sometimes you feel worse if you nap, but I need my naps! And again, I think their idea of under doing it has to be a lot less than what I manage to fit in during a given day. Tomorrow will be the test when I return to work. If I feel better without squeezing in a nap, I guess I will admit that I "under did it" this weekend! Other than that, I still have an appetite, I can taste, my fingers and toes have not become numb and I have not had any return of heart burn. These are all the nasty side effects of this drug and so far, I have not experienced any besides 1-2 days of heart burn. So I have a lot to be thankful for!
Please keep up the prayers this week! I would love it if my Hemoglobin bounced back, but I do not think that will happen being hit with chemo weekly and I have come to terms with it. Just pray the drug is working and doing what it needs to and that my little body can keep up! And of course for my family! They are my rock!
Love,
Amber
Thank God for a day off, right? I'm sure I'm not the only one who needed this extra day! We had a wonderful weekend at the lake again. The weather was perfect and it was a good end to summer! We headed up Friday evening after Chemo and came home this morning. Justin played with friends in the water and sand and Ryan just hung out and was an awesome baby like usual. I was able to get a nap in on Saturday and go to bed early both Saturday and Sunday night. We all usually sleep better up there, probably due to the abundance of fresh air, but I really slept good this time around....Without the assistance of my Ativan. This is a first since June!
Chemo was somewhat uneventful on Friday. They ran my blood work and discovered my Hemoglobin is a little low. It was not low enough on Friday to require a transfusion, but they know it is coasting in that direction so we are prepared for a blood transfusion this Friday:( I'm nervous and scared. I know people donate all the time for exactly this purpose, which makes me feel great, but it is just another scary first for me that I really never thought I would ever have to go through! Other than that, the chemo itself was uneventful. The drugs took another 2 hours and the blood work about a 1/2 hour. I always quiz my nurse to see from start to finish what time we are looking at being done. I just can not relax and I think this helps to get me through, but then when it takes longer or we get held up, I get a little annoyed. Just once, they should give me a completion time a little longer out so they aren't on my bad side when I leave there!
I have already prepared for this Friday. I guess with a transfusion they do the chemo first (2 1/2 hours) and then the transfusion (4 hours!) YIKES! I am in for a long day on Friday!! To speed this up, even if it is just a 1/2 hour going forward, I will start to do my blood work the day before. The cancer center is by my work, so I can get there over lunch to give blood if that means the following day I don't have to sit for a 1/2 hour to an hour waiting for my blood results. The problem is, they can't start anything until they get my blood results back, so it is literally just sitting around waiting. I don't have time for this and if it means less time there, I am willing to do this!
I'm feeling pretty good, I am wiped out, but this fatigue is a little different than what I experienced with the first set of drugs. I actually feel worse when I just wake up in the morning or from a nap and then gradually feel better. They did warn me about "under-doing it", which I do not think I even come close to this with 2 kids and a full time job, but they did say that sometimes you feel worse if you nap, but I need my naps! And again, I think their idea of under doing it has to be a lot less than what I manage to fit in during a given day. Tomorrow will be the test when I return to work. If I feel better without squeezing in a nap, I guess I will admit that I "under did it" this weekend! Other than that, I still have an appetite, I can taste, my fingers and toes have not become numb and I have not had any return of heart burn. These are all the nasty side effects of this drug and so far, I have not experienced any besides 1-2 days of heart burn. So I have a lot to be thankful for!
Please keep up the prayers this week! I would love it if my Hemoglobin bounced back, but I do not think that will happen being hit with chemo weekly and I have come to terms with it. Just pray the drug is working and doing what it needs to and that my little body can keep up! And of course for my family! They are my rock!
Love,
Amber
Friday, August 24, 2012
1 Down 11 More to go!
First treatment of Carbo and Taxol is behind me! It was a long day! Whitney was my chemo buddy today and I thought with a new face they would impress us and be on time. Nope, not this time! My appointment was for 10:20. The routine is they hook me up to the IV through my port and draw labs. While the labs are being ran, you see the nurse and go over the past side effects and they do vitals. Then the Dr. comes in and by that point, he usually has my labs so we go over that, I try to make him laugh and then we measure the stupid tumor. Following that you go to the chemo room for treatment and that is when the 2 hour clock starts for my old regiment of AC. Today, after waiting until 11, they called me back to see the Dr. I reminded them no one drew my labs, they were shocked! So a nurse comes in while the other nurse is trying to get my previous side effects and talks about running my blood work through my arm. They seemed to forget that trusty Michael Bolton was installed to do this for me and them A LOT easier. So I had to remind the nurse, which was very nice so I can't really complain a lot. So they drew labs then I saw Dr. Hantel. We went over the new drugs. Taxol every week, Carbo Platinum added today and then every 3 weeks. Taxol will have little side effects so the weeks that it is just Taxol, should be a walk in the park (I sure hope so) The week of both, he said I could have more of a problem with nausea, numbness in my fingers and toes, swelling and the dreaded FATIGUE! When I asked how long for the turn around on fatigue he told me 4-7 days. So just in time for Taxol! YUCK! But I'm trying to stay positive and realize then I get 2 full weeks of just Taxol and hopefully this will give me longer than the AC to bounce back! Lets hope this is true! He felt the tumor had shrunk some more and was happy to realize he could barely feel my enlarged under arm lymph node.
After seeing Dr. Hantel, we went to the chemo room where they informed me that for Carbo Platinum, the dosage is based off of your kidney function. So they had drawn labs on my kidney function which takes an hour to come back. So nothing can happen until then. The nurse came back around noon and told me she was stalking the Dr. and the pharmacy to see if she could get my chemo mixed before the pharmacy closed for lunch. Yes, for lunch! I get it everyone gets a lunch break, but I was on time today and didn't get mine! I was getting a little grumpy and the steroids I had with breakfast weren't helping. But my nurse was awesome and was able to get my stuff done before lunch! So next came IV bags of anti-nausea, Zanax and steroids and a benadryl pill. THEN another 45 minute wait for those drugs to run their course in my body. Then Taxol, which a small percentage of patients have an allergic reaction. This drug takes an hour and prayers worked once again and I did not have any reaction. The last kicker for the day, Carbo platinum is supposed to be a 20 minute drip so I think I am just about ready to chew my arm off, but I know the finish line is near. They tell me my trusty little kidneys are so good that I could handle more than the average person for Carbo platinum so my drip will be an hour for this drug! Good for you kidneys, stay strong, but I was so ready to get out of there. You all know the smell bothers me so bad that I can't snack or eat while I'm there so I just sat and worked and worked and worked! It kept my mind off of the hunger and the smell.
So the weeks I just have Taxol, we are looking at 2 hours, but the weeks of both drugs, it will be a 4 hour ho rah! I am going to have to find a way to sneak a snack in or lunch. Even the nurse was tempting me with the Southwest Salad that every raves about at the hospital on given Fridays, but I couldn't do it. The smell is so clean and it just makes me sick. The minute I pull into the parking lot my stomach turns and mouth waters. Then when I leave, it is instantly gone. If anyone can offer any tips, I will gladly take them.
So thank you for listening to my ordeal. I know it is a small problem in the big scheme of things, but it is really annoying to wait around for others especially when I get so anxious there. So again, 1 down 11 to go!
Whitney did a good job keeping me entertained with Pins from Pinterest and enjoyed her quiet day of just surfing the Internet and watching mindless TV so I don't think she minded too much. She is now at work at Starbucks and will then pick my parents up at the airport. They are in until Wednesday early morning. I am so excited to see them! Wendy stayed with Ryan today and made us dinner and did laundry! YAY! Justin survived his first 3 days of Kindergarten and has done great with the transition. He looks forward to returning on Monday. This morning he didn't quite understand why he wasn't going on Saturday and Sunday. I am sure that won't last long! We also signed him up for soccer again which starts the weekend after Labor day so he will have something else fun to look forward to.
Well, here is to hope and prayers that the ugly fatigue will not rear its head too much and we get more shrinkage out of this!! Every time I think I outsmart the fatigue, it always shows up! YUCK!! It is not fun, it is absolutely the most frustrating thing. Almost more so than feeling this stupid tumor. I am just not used to doing what I want when I want and HATE the idea of slowing down. When I do feel better, it is heavenly! So please pray for me! Also for my family as they have to step up more during my slow times and I know that is a lot on them. I also lose my patients more and they take it in stride and that stinks. After all they do, it probably stinks to not get my beautiful smile or smart, funny, witty comments back! So please pray for us all! This could be a roller coaster of a week, but maybe not!
I will touch base more after the weekend to let you all know how I'm doing!
Love to all and enjoy the weekend!
Amber
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
First Day
Just wanted to take a minute on my first "real" day off from work since I returned after maternity leave to give you an update! Today was the day! Justin started Kindergarten! He was so excited and did excellent. So did mommy! Justin is in the afternoon Kindergarten this year. Don and I walked Justin down the road to the school today at 1:30 to meet his teacher, put away his supplies, meet the bus driver and walk around the school. His teacher seems so nice and is a graduate of EIU so I'm sure she is just as smart as Don and I. She of course graduated a lot more recent than Don and I, but that is okay, that will just mean what she has learned is still at the forefront of her mind!
Justin was so excited to learn 3 of his Tiny Treasures day care friends are in his class! This was so good to know. He has attended Tiny Treasures since he was 9 months old and a few of the kids in his class have been there just as long. This made me think of his first days at Tiny Treasures. He was old enough to have stranger anxiety and I felt so bad leaving him in a room filled with teachers and babies that he didn't know nor did I know! He cried and I could hear him crying as I left the building. So horrible. I thought, I will give this a week! 5 years later!! When Justin was around 1 1/2, he would play at home with Little People. He named his Little People after his friends at daycare and for the most part, he was right one as far as what Little Person was who at school. Tiny Treasures has been a great 2nd home to Justin. He looks forward to learning and playing there every day. I love the staff and they have made Don and I so comfortable when it comes to caring for our children 5 days a week! I would have never thought his firsts there would make todays transition so easy! I know a lot of Tiny Treasures staff members read this, so Thank you!
Justin will take the bus from Tiny Treasures to and from school 5 days a week. I think he looks forward to this part more than the school part. But in all seriousness, he can not wait to learn to read!! I can't wait to see what all happens this coming year for him! This is huge and it felt so good to see his HUGE smile today!
I'm feeling good! So good in fact that I did the grocery shopping last night after the kids were in bed, came home, cut and washed all of the Organic produce we purchased and even got up with Ryan at 4 am! Today I even cleaned our bathroom! WOW! Don't think it hasn't been cleaned, it is just a first for me since I have been sick. After the walk down to the school though and sitting there and getting really HOT, I decided I may have over done it. So relaxing the rest of the day. Back to work tomorrow and Thursday and then chemo Friday.
Enjoy your Tuesday!
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Weekend Update
It has been a long week for me! This 4th round proved to kick me while I was down! Usually I can say by Wednesday evening that I have most of my energy back and I feel like my "chemo brain" disappears and I can start to be me again. This didn't happen this time! Monday was just okay, not bad, but not good. Tuesday.....Well, it was a bad day. My brain didn't work and my eyes were bothered. This side effect has not happened since treatment 1. This time, light bothered my eyes and I could hardly keep my eyes open I was so tired. On Wednesday I still felt sluggish, but went to see Liz at lunch to meditate and do some yoga. Of course this was helpful and I felt so much better after leaving there. I need to remember to take this time on my own throughout the day though and not just rely on our sessions! Thursday, I guess I don't remember anything too much about it so maybe it was not that bad. Friday!! YAY! My brain was back and functioning!!
We headed up to the lake this weekend in MI. It was just what the Doctor ordered! We left Friday after work. Both boys were awesome on the car ride and I dozed a little, which isn't like me in the car. Yesterday was great! The weather was perfect. Too chilly for me to swim, but not too chilly for Justin! We spent the afternoon on the boat and even Ryan enjoyed his time and took a nice snooze in the middle of the calm lake. Last night we had s'mores by the fire and Justin and his friend Lucy told scary stories! It was just a great relaxing weekend. We headed home early today so we still had some time today to watch NASCAR and well, take naps.
Weekly treatments start on Friday. The thought of entering the cancer center these days makes my stomach hurt and my mouth water and this stinks because I still have a long way to go! Last Friday when Don and I pulled into the parking garage I started crying. I told him I wanted to go into the hospital and have another baby. He didn't get it at first. I don't really want another baby, but what I was getting at was I wanted to be pulling in to the parking garage for something exciting like we had 5 months before all of this to have Ryan when our biggest fear was what are we going to name him. Those days were not easy days and I am not making light of having a child and the daily concerns that come with it, but this just sucks! There is nothing rewarding about having the job of cancer.
I know there will be an end reward when I can burn everything that I have now associated with the cancer center or chemo: my water bottle that I can't even look at because I swear there are drugs in it from just being with me at the cancer center. My pink sweatshirt that I have to wear on treatment days because it is so cold in there that I freeze, but then sweat (thank you early on-set menopause) and the latest happened today..... I went to put some paid bills in my "cancer binder" and when I opened it, my mouth watered and I thought I was going to get sick. Really my binder?! I guess this will be a long 12 weeks!
This is a big week for the Naughtons. Tuesday starts Kindergarten for Justin. He is so excited and so are we (although taking on this too makes me wish we had 1 more year of just pre-school) but he is ready and I can't wait to watch him learn this year! Friday starts my new chemo regiment of Taxol every week and add in carboplatinum every 3rd week. I am anxious about this. I am scared that I won't be able to bounce back quick enough to be hit weekly, but I plan to get my mind set straight this week and just fight through it the best I can. It is what I have to do to get to the end result. Just pray for me that I can do this!
Well, it is time to close up shop and relax some before a great week ahead!
Love,
Amber
We headed up to the lake this weekend in MI. It was just what the Doctor ordered! We left Friday after work. Both boys were awesome on the car ride and I dozed a little, which isn't like me in the car. Yesterday was great! The weather was perfect. Too chilly for me to swim, but not too chilly for Justin! We spent the afternoon on the boat and even Ryan enjoyed his time and took a nice snooze in the middle of the calm lake. Last night we had s'mores by the fire and Justin and his friend Lucy told scary stories! It was just a great relaxing weekend. We headed home early today so we still had some time today to watch NASCAR and well, take naps.
Weekly treatments start on Friday. The thought of entering the cancer center these days makes my stomach hurt and my mouth water and this stinks because I still have a long way to go! Last Friday when Don and I pulled into the parking garage I started crying. I told him I wanted to go into the hospital and have another baby. He didn't get it at first. I don't really want another baby, but what I was getting at was I wanted to be pulling in to the parking garage for something exciting like we had 5 months before all of this to have Ryan when our biggest fear was what are we going to name him. Those days were not easy days and I am not making light of having a child and the daily concerns that come with it, but this just sucks! There is nothing rewarding about having the job of cancer.
I know there will be an end reward when I can burn everything that I have now associated with the cancer center or chemo: my water bottle that I can't even look at because I swear there are drugs in it from just being with me at the cancer center. My pink sweatshirt that I have to wear on treatment days because it is so cold in there that I freeze, but then sweat (thank you early on-set menopause) and the latest happened today..... I went to put some paid bills in my "cancer binder" and when I opened it, my mouth watered and I thought I was going to get sick. Really my binder?! I guess this will be a long 12 weeks!
This is a big week for the Naughtons. Tuesday starts Kindergarten for Justin. He is so excited and so are we (although taking on this too makes me wish we had 1 more year of just pre-school) but he is ready and I can't wait to watch him learn this year! Friday starts my new chemo regiment of Taxol every week and add in carboplatinum every 3rd week. I am anxious about this. I am scared that I won't be able to bounce back quick enough to be hit weekly, but I plan to get my mind set straight this week and just fight through it the best I can. It is what I have to do to get to the end result. Just pray for me that I can do this!
Well, it is time to close up shop and relax some before a great week ahead!
Love,
Friday, August 10, 2012
Quick Update
Just a quick update because I need to feed Ryan and go to bed! I'm tired! I woke up at 3:00 am this morning and could not sleep so I did some research and prepared for my appointment, so that is what I think the tiredness is about....Not the treatment;)
Met with Dr. Hantel and he asked my opinion like usual if I felt a change. To be honest, I did last week, but by Sunday night last week, I almost felt like things were back to before. So I told him this. He examined me and said he felt the tumor was softer and a tad bit SMALLER!!! I will take it! So we decided that I would finish the last round today of the original chemo regiment. So I get 2 more weeks before my next treatment!!! YAY!!
This won't last though. In 2 weeks, I will go in and start to get 12 weeks of Taxol. This was the next drug regiment, but it was supposed to be bi-weekly. He has decide that he will lower the dose and make it weekly to be a little more aggressive. Add into this treatment another drug, carbo-platinum every 3 weeks. So a total of 12 Taxol treatments and a total of 3 carbo-platinum treatments every 3 weeks. Both of these drugs hardly cause any nausea and should not impact my blood counts. Therefore, I will be fatigued, but from treatment and not from counts. So I am hoping to keep my spirits up like this week and trudge through! The good news was my counts today were higher than pre-chemo so they continue to be impressed with how I am handling this! I know it is the prayers! So keep them up.
Last bit of good news! We were driving home today and I received a call. "This is Edwards Hospital and we are calling with some good news". WHAT?! Did I win something? What hospital calls and says this with what I'm going through.....Was I cured?? Well, turns out, my genetic testing is back and I am negative for the BRAC1 and 2 genes. What this means is my left breast is at no higher risk than anyone else to get cancer, and I am no higher risk at having ovarian cancer than anyone else. HOORAY!! No hysterectomy anytime soon. But for now, the left breast will be leaving my body as soon as possible. This also helps with my sisters decisions. They should not have to make the decision to find out about their looming breast cancer risks through this test. They do have to start getting mammograms though, but that is easy! Their advise was you start getting tested 10 years before the youngest person diagnosed. Great news, but it does leave my hands in the air because my diagnoses is now being chalked up to bad luck! Yes, bad luck:(
Last piece of information for tonight....Whitney has made the decision to stay with us through January. She has been working hard all week to figure out her classes, loans and rent and it has worked! She will take the semester off. Don and I will assist her with her rent and she will help with the kids and is going to try to get a part time job. I didn't think when she came in June that this would be so hard. We know there are tons of you close by that will and could help. We appreciate that and need you around:) But having her here helping with the day to day, making our dinner and getting up at night....I can not even explain in words. She has also helped me emotionally and I seeing as I have never felt like a selfish person, I am now, but I think I have a good excuse. There is nothing like a sister and she is in a position to do it. Don and I and the kids will be down in Asheville inMay 2014 to watch her walk down the aisle and get her degree!
So I will close with thank you for the prayers! They are working!! Keep it up! Also, one more thing! Thank you to all who have posted pictures in your shirts. Lisa and several others behind the scene people worked really hard on these. I have awesome friends and family and brag about you all often! Thank you thank you!
Love you all!
Amber
Met with Dr. Hantel and he asked my opinion like usual if I felt a change. To be honest, I did last week, but by Sunday night last week, I almost felt like things were back to before. So I told him this. He examined me and said he felt the tumor was softer and a tad bit SMALLER!!! I will take it! So we decided that I would finish the last round today of the original chemo regiment. So I get 2 more weeks before my next treatment!!! YAY!!
This won't last though. In 2 weeks, I will go in and start to get 12 weeks of Taxol. This was the next drug regiment, but it was supposed to be bi-weekly. He has decide that he will lower the dose and make it weekly to be a little more aggressive. Add into this treatment another drug, carbo-platinum every 3 weeks. So a total of 12 Taxol treatments and a total of 3 carbo-platinum treatments every 3 weeks. Both of these drugs hardly cause any nausea and should not impact my blood counts. Therefore, I will be fatigued, but from treatment and not from counts. So I am hoping to keep my spirits up like this week and trudge through! The good news was my counts today were higher than pre-chemo so they continue to be impressed with how I am handling this! I know it is the prayers! So keep them up.
Last bit of good news! We were driving home today and I received a call. "This is Edwards Hospital and we are calling with some good news". WHAT?! Did I win something? What hospital calls and says this with what I'm going through.....Was I cured?? Well, turns out, my genetic testing is back and I am negative for the BRAC1 and 2 genes. What this means is my left breast is at no higher risk than anyone else to get cancer, and I am no higher risk at having ovarian cancer than anyone else. HOORAY!! No hysterectomy anytime soon. But for now, the left breast will be leaving my body as soon as possible. This also helps with my sisters decisions. They should not have to make the decision to find out about their looming breast cancer risks through this test. They do have to start getting mammograms though, but that is easy! Their advise was you start getting tested 10 years before the youngest person diagnosed. Great news, but it does leave my hands in the air because my diagnoses is now being chalked up to bad luck! Yes, bad luck:(
Last piece of information for tonight....Whitney has made the decision to stay with us through January. She has been working hard all week to figure out her classes, loans and rent and it has worked! She will take the semester off. Don and I will assist her with her rent and she will help with the kids and is going to try to get a part time job. I didn't think when she came in June that this would be so hard. We know there are tons of you close by that will and could help. We appreciate that and need you around:) But having her here helping with the day to day, making our dinner and getting up at night....I can not even explain in words. She has also helped me emotionally and I seeing as I have never felt like a selfish person, I am now, but I think I have a good excuse. There is nothing like a sister and she is in a position to do it. Don and I and the kids will be down in Asheville inMay 2014 to watch her walk down the aisle and get her degree!
So I will close with thank you for the prayers! They are working!! Keep it up! Also, one more thing! Thank you to all who have posted pictures in your shirts. Lisa and several others behind the scene people worked really hard on these. I have awesome friends and family and brag about you all often! Thank you thank you!
Love you all!
Amber
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Bouncing Back
It was a quiet Sunday morning in our house. Don was up at the lake for our annual "kid -less" weekend. Hopefully everyone had a great time! I am sorry I missed it and look forward to next years! The boys were with Don and Wendy since yesterday early afternoon. Whitney and I spent our afternoon yesterday just relaxing, watched a movie and then did dinner. I woke up this morning and my throat was a little dry and scratchy, but I feel good.Yesterday before the kids went with Wendy, we took them for their pictures. The boys did great despite the fact that Ryan decided to have an EXPLOSIVE diaper on the way there. This incident went to show how different I have become from a month ago. A month ago, I would have panicked and felt like the pictures were ruined because of this. Not yesterday, I just rolled with it. He stunk so bad and his jeans belonged in the garbage after what happened, but we got through the pictures with huge smiles and laughter and even though we all knew he needed a bath! Just memories, we will always now remember Ryan pooped his pants before those pictures and stunk so bad! That is all!
I have felt pretty good since last treatment. I have noticed my bad days are not Sunday and Monday after chemo like they warned me about. Mine have proven to be Monday and Tuesday. Those days I'm more tired, weak and maybe impatient? Don, Whitney or Justin do you want to chime in here? I can tell the more treatment I have, the harder it has been to bounce back to "Amber". I was thinking about this the other day and it brought me to tears (it doesn't take a lot), but I thought of older individuals going through chemo. I'm 33 and it takes me literally almost a full week to be back to where I should be. How in the hell does an older individual "bounce back"? I try to use my age to keep me strong and to keep up the good fight, but lets face it, I don't feel like a 33 year old anymore.
Love,Amber
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