I do not have a lot to report. Just counting down the days until surgery. I have mixed feelings about this date. Am I scared, Yes, scared that a simple surgery could go wrong. But I think everyone has that fear before they are put under for a procedure. Am I anxious, Yes, anxious for my blood work and pre-op testing tomorrow to come back within normal levels so we can know for sure the surgery will happen on 12/6/12. Also anxious for how I think I will feel the morning of not only before the procedure but after. I can only imagine the nerves that will go along with that morning! I also wonder how I will actually feel when I wake up and know the not only the cancer is gone, but my breasts. I try to joke about this a lot and I mean it, but I know deep down, this will bother me. They are a part of me. They probably deserve their own blog! I hope they can give me some good calming drugs:) Am I excited, yes, a little excited to just have another part of this journey done and over with.
So as the date gets closer, I notice myself thinking more about things and I'm trying to find signs everywhere that it will all be okay. I know I am in great hands and all of the prayers that will be said, there is no other way. My job is to rest while they perform the surgery and wake up and be thankful the tumor will be gone from my body. The next steps will all be up to me and my body. I think I can handle that, right?
Since I really don't have much more to report, I thought I would share a poem. This was read when Don's Aunt Donna passed away in March. I was not able to attend her celebration of life as I had just had Ryan by c-section and was down from that. But I stumbled across the poem again the other day while I was on Pinterest. I use a lot on this site, but recently I find myself in the Quotes section, looking for the right signs. This one showed up last weekend:
The Dash Poem, by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end
He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was “the dash” between those years
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash”