Wednesday, November 27, 2013


I met with Dr. Phillips yesterday at the end of the day.  I hate Dr. visit days!  I started out in a great mood, who couldn't be!  I'm home with my 2 cuties just playing, watching movies, cuddling, etc.  As I would laugh or do something goofy, my smile would quickly fade as I remembered that I had an appointment today.  My heart was beating in my throat a majority of the day.  I had not noticed much change and my pain was still pretty strong that I feared all day Dr. Phillips would want to do some scans.  Although scans are not a bad thing, that is they aren't bad if you get the results that you want.  But with them comes A LOT of extra anxiety, tears and bad moods.  I thought all day how I was going to try to stall this until after the holidays.  I mean yes, I want to know right away if the treatment isn't working and we need to move on, but to be honest, I do not think I or my family can endure anything more this year.  Even if the cancer has not spread, it is still there and I just don't think I can do it.

Turns out at my appointment Dr. Phillips felt that my lymph node was smaller (I do agree with this) and that the skin looked like it has completely stopped spreading!  What great news!  She explained to Don and I why she felt the skin / chest wall has stopped spreading and I agree after she explained it to us.  If you want a full understanding of this, it will require a visual so call me if you need more detail! HA!  Before she took a look, I explained again to her what the pain feels like.  In case you forget, it feels like my skin is stretched so bad that when I touch it, it is hot, painful and feels like it is burned similiar to a sun burn.Naughton.

My final hypothesis was that if we removed the implant or put in a smaller one (not really wanting to do this, but will for comfort) maybe the skin could breath more.  She first said that wouldn't work and gave me the look like aw you poor thing.  Well after she looked she agreed that my skin is just too tight on the right side.  Her request was to give the chemo a couple more cycles to see if the discomfort and pain subsides and if it does not, would like me to consult with my plastic surgeon.  I have decided to get a head start and meet with him before and just get his opinion.  You can now call me Dr.

That is it on cancer front.  In other news, Don and I went to St. Louis to watch the Bears lose.  It was a great trip.  We went with a group of friends from college.  Although all but 2 of them live near us and we see frequently, it was nice to just get away.  It was also nice for Don and I to get away and breath and kind of sort of act like we are a normal couple without a million and one things going on in our life.

Bears Game
Justin has been off all week for Thanksgiving break.  It is really nice to have him home with me.  Don and I met with his teacher on Monday and he is doing great in school!  Ryan is talking more and more and is so busy!  My goodness!  If you have indoor activity ideas, we will take them!

Play Date with Cousin Paige
My brother and sister in law welcomed a new baby girl - Emma Grace on November 12th.  She shares the day with Don and I as it is our anniversary!  And if that isn't enough, she gets a cool birthday - 11-12-13.  She is a doll and her big sister Paige is doing a great job taking care of her.  It will be fun to have a baby around for the holidays!

I can not believe tomorrow is Thanksgiving!  This year has flown by.  I will say for the most part, this year is right up there with last year for being pretty crappy.  But with all of the crappiness, we have had a lot of happiness! Wow, I might coin that phrase.  It has been tough, but if you don't look at cancer, it has been pretty cool.  I am thankful for all of my family and friends this year.  That is usually what I say anyways when we go around the table at Thanksgiving and say what we are thankful for, but I can't think of anything else that tops family and friends.  The cards, the gifts, the phone calls, the making strides walk, we appreciate it all and I don't know how to thank each of you personally.  It is so easy to sit and cry and feel sorry for myself and my family, but then at the right moment, the phone rings, an email comes through or recently chocolate covered strawberries.  It is like you all just know when and what I need!  We are so lucky!

Please enjoy your Thanksgiving day with your family!  Make memories, laugh and EAT!!

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