Wednesday, June 27, 2012


The Echo cardio gram was a walk in the park yesterday.  I talked to the tech some and unless she was lying, she didn't see any concerns with my heart.  While I laid on the table watching her and the screen during my test, I came to the realization that these techs would be very good poker players.  They don't talk when they see something bad, they don't smile when they see the little thing beat and they don't cry when you tell them why you are there for the test and you yourself can't hold it together to tell them why.  I must say again, there are certain jobs I just couldn't do.  I'm sure you learn it in school or maybe it is just that they see it every day.  So sounds like I have that going for me right now!

Next was Chemo class.  Don, my dad and I attended.  There were 2 other women in there learning the same things I was.  Mainly the class taught me how low my blood counts will be and how extremely careful I must be!  If you plan to talk to me in person, make sure you are well!  Taste aversions and mouth issues and then of course the subject I dread loss.  I am waiting for a call back from the Cancer Society on an appointment to go look at wigs.  I will bring my fashionable sister in law to help me through this.  Hopefully I can find something as plain and normal as my current style, but hearing this in the meeting brought me to tears once again.

Last night Don and I attended the breast cancer support group.  I think Don's version of the class being portrayed will be a lot different than mine.  First, we were late and running from department to department in the new Silver Cross Hospital trying to locate the group.  We finally find it and walk in and it is a room full of women!  Don was glad he went, but I'm sure it was strange for him to be sitting in there with women.  Everyone welcomed both of us!  Last night they had a laughing coach.  This coach is a nurse and did little things that you had to go along with and laugh loud at everything from getting up in the morning with cancer to pretending to wash your bald head in the shower.  She reminded Don and I A LOT of his aunt Donna who passed from lung cancer in March right before Ryan was born.  She looked like her and just her personality in general was Donna.  A part of me thinks it was meant for us to attend this one together and reflect on her and her life and her battle with cancer. After that everyone shared their story.  All are different.  Some are survivors 5+ years out and still attend, some are fighting right now.  I have exchanged numbers with a lot of women and I must say I left there on a positive note and was able to fall asleep last night.  Not without the assistance of my Ativan, but I still felt a little small, tiny weight lifted.

Dr. Montana also called on my MRI results.  He explained they did not see anything they didn't already know.  This to me is good news.  The left breast is completely clear.  The right one not so much, but we knew that.  He did confirm it did not spread to the chest wall, but this is not any better indication or not if it has spread elsewhere.  He and Dr. Hantel (Ongologist) agree that chemo is first then surgery for a mastectomy is necessary around 3 weeks post chemo treatments.  I asked if both could be removed and he agreed.  They did notice 2 swollen nodes and said they would remove those at the time of surgery, but the chemo may shrink those.

I am leaving for work now, tomorrow is the big bone and CT day....PRAY!!!  I will probably update again after my first treatment on Friday at 8am.  

Lots of Love!



  1. Keep those updates coming Amber! All of us on the fringe appreciate the blog, as I'm sure everyone that knows you is checking constantly. I can't help but feel some hope with the news that nothing was found in the left breast. We're all saying many many prayers for a clean Bone and CT scan tomorrow! Always thinking of you......Aunt Tam

  2. I agree that we really appreciate this blog. It is inspiring that with everything that is going on you still take the time to update everyone. Thank you. PLease know that Rob and I are praying and thinking about you. You are in my thoughts everyday and I am sending good vibes your way all the time. You are surrounded by an amazing support system and that is going to be so critical for your success. It is what I tell my patients families all the time, lean on others and let others help! I have no doubt in my mind that you will beat this! We will be praying for a clean bone and CT scan tomorrow for you.

  3. You are in my thoughts today as you go through more testing - praying that everything looks good and nothing adds to your worries!

    1. I have no idea what that odd string of numbers and letters is in my post above - but this is Michelle from the office! Gotta love technology right?!?!?

  4. Amber-I don't know if you will remember me or my family, but back when you were in Hoopeston, we often were together with the Millers and all. Kim and I have Dustin and Kelsey, who are just a few years younger than you are. Linda told me what you are going through and told me about your blog. I just want you to know that you have prayers and support coming from places and people you don't even know about. Kim is a cancer survivor and I remember the feeling the first time we walked into a cancer center...still so stunned to be there. I hate it that you have to go through all of this, but the love, support and prayers will help carry you through. I think the only advice I have is just let yourself feel how you is okay to be angry, scared or filled with joy for a day that you get positive news. You are stronger than you ever dreamed, but you don't always have to be have such a wonderful family and friends to be strong for you too. Sending our love and prayers for you and your family.

    Suzy Smith