Super Powers

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"

I am slowly but surely making my way back from being "under the weather"....Wow, last weeks chemo really kicked me while I was down.  Sister Jess came in last Wednesday night just in time to join me for chemo Thursday.  It was also a special day because Ryan turned the big "2"!  Back up some, I had went Monday through Wednesday last week for a shot in order to get my cells to produce more quickly so my counts would not be too low for the 2nd round of treatment.  Lucky for me, the shots worked from just Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday they just did the blood draw and confirmed chemo was a go!  So Jess and I packed up for chemo Thursday.  I was not the best host as the Benadryl knocks me out.  I did confirm with the nurse that the dose on benadryl is like 4 times higher the dose someone would take on a given night.  Why it is so high, we are not sure....Not even the nurses, they are just following every rule that goes along with this clinical trial.  So off to la la land I went and Jess just read on her Kindle and made friends with the nurses.

Thursday evening we celebrated little Ry Guy's birthday.  With Jess here, she summoned me to the bedroom all day Friday to rest since we were having a small get together on Saturday to celebrate Ryan's birthday with family and friends.  Saturday has been my rough day and this past Saturday was no different.  I was sleepy!  My tiredness did not go away as the weekend progressed.  Jess left and Whitney came in and still no energy.  In fact I was so tired and weak that I was very depressed and spent a lot of time crying.  I hate to put my sadness in my blog because I worry that others will worry about me, but I was really down!  I wanted to spend my time with my sisters here having fun, not putting the entire burden of the children, dinner, dog etc on them.  I tried acupuncture and that didn't really boost me at all either.  In fact, from the teeny tiny needles, I bruised on my hand!  So Wednesday I went for blood work and confirmed my red blood cells were low and I needed a transfusion!

Those local know we were lucky to receive more snow on Tuesday night so when I arrived at the cancer center on Wednesday for a blood draw, the parking lot was not plowed and just walking from my car up to the building (jumping a few snow drifts) I was exhausted!  My heart was beating in my head type of exhausted.  So at first when Dr. Phillips explained the cancer center doesn't do the transfusions and you have to go to the hospital for them so the time and date for the transfusion was out of her hands, she quickly got on the phone and called when I told her how weak I was.  Thank goodness!  She probably doesn't hear me complain enough so when I did, she probably was about to call a code red on me!  The transfusion was painless - not short, but painless!  A transfusion takes around 4-5 hours.  Thank goodness I was so tired, because guess what I did?  You got it - SLEPT!  Slept as I received super powers or as some call it "tiger blood".

Today I woke up feeling refreshed so Whitney, Ryan and I attempted to hit the mall and run some errands.  We were able to do about 1/2 on our list of errands before nap time was calling both Ryan and I.  I napped this afternoon and now I feel good.  I just hope with this boost, my levels will rise enough for chemo to start back up next week.

Tuesday is a dreaded PET scan with results on Thursday before treatment.  In order to stay in the trial, the PET must show that the cancer has not progressed more than 20% and it must show some improvement.  So I am scared of course.  I feel like this chemo is working some, but my skin is still red and I still am medicating every 4 hours.  So I do feel like we need some more time, so I guess my hope is that with this next PET scan, there is some positive results from the chemo and that the cancer has not moved elsewhere.  This part will never get easy for me.  I thought after my last one and getting not so great news was going to be the last time I worried about scans, but that is not the case.  I am scared and know that while we still have other options, we will be picking another one off and that my friends is scary!  So I am trying to concentrate just on today and today, I feel better than I did yesterday so that is a plus, right?

Whitney is here until Saturday and then my parents will tap in as she taps out!  They will be here for a week and will help get me through the dreaded wait of the PET scan and join me for chemo on Thursday.  For anyone that donated to the travel fund or have sent money to my family, we are forever grateful.  It means so much to us to have my sisters and parents here with us through this.  Not only does it give Don and I a break, it gives them the peace of mind they need to see me in person to see the "real Amber".  Over the phone or FaceTime does not do us justice.  I need them and they need me.  So thank you!  To my local family and friends, you are not forgotten!  We have received an outpouring of support around here.  Helping with the kids, food, snacks, etc.  You guys help to make our day to day continue like nothing is wrong, so thank you!

Prayers for this next week for my PET Scan results to be positive, my energy to continue to replenish and for my family as they travel in and out.

Love to all,

Amber