Sunday, December 2, 2012

Well, the week has finally arrived!  4 more sleeps until surgery!  Probably more like 3 more sleeps, I don't see a lot of sleep happening on Wednesday night and even if my Ativin allows it, we have to be at Northwestern at 5:30 so we will be needing to leave here around 4:30.   2 more days of work which will probably be a blur with all that needs done and updating that must happen for my 4-6 week vacation.

This past week was a great week!  Nothing new to report.  Don and I stepped out of reality for a few days which was nice.  It was nice to get away and "forget" that I was sick.  Not that we forgot, but during the day we were so busy being normal people that it was easy to set our fears about the past 6 months or this next week aside!  Friday night on our return home, I noticed all of the fear and anxiety crept back in.  We started to be short with one another, I put back on my turban and I was very tired!  All which are constant reminders of my illness.  Back to reality!

Yesterday before we went to pick up the boys from Don and Wendy, we decided to get our tree and put the lights on it.  Don came home with it and it all hit me how scared I am for this next week and for my future.  I was overcome with emotions and it started out to be an extremely hard day.  Christmas is a time to do or start family traditions and enjoy time with friends and extended family.  I intend to do all of the above, but my God does it mean so much more this year.  I will not let this be my last Christmas, but starting family traditions, seeing family and friends all have been moved higher on my list of things that maybe last year I thought, not this year.   I was able to get past the weeping and pick up the boys and enjoy my last Saturday with boobs, but it started out pretty rough.

When we got home, Justin had a great time decorating the tree and helping Don set up the train board.  Ryan had a great time being told "NO, Don't touch"!  He laughs when he hears those words so I take it that he had a great time!  Today I'm taking them to see Santa.  Justin is obsessed with Santa.  He has written letters and is convinced he is watching all the time.  It is so cute to see him get so excited about Christmas!  I hope he believes until he is 20!  Not really, but a kids imagination is priceless!  Ryan won't understand it but probably won't cry when he sits on Santa's lap since he is my little prince that has no fear!  We will see though!

My family will need a lot of prayers this week.  We appreciate all of them.  Mom and dad will get in Wednesday evening so prayers for their safe arrival.  Prayers that my blood counts continue to increase.  I learned Wednesday before our trip that my counts are still abnormally low.  The nurse says we are still on for surgery, but I need my WBC to increase because I can not afford to get an infection of any sort before or after this surgery!  Prayers of course for the day of surgery.  I know my fears and anxiety will be out of control.  Prayers for the surgeon and plastic surgeon that they go in and do their thing!  And most of all, that they can go in and get the stupid cancer and rid my body of it FOREVER!!!  And lastly a prayer for me!  I have to sleep through all of this which doesn't seem hard, but I need prayers that my body does just that and nothing out of the ordinary happens during the procedure.

So I leave you with a lot of requests this week, but I know all of you pray for me daily and it means so much!  I know you will do as I have requested and my hope is next week I'm up and blogging again about the experience and how simple it was!

I love each and everyone!



  1. You're such a special person, Amber. Prayers with you and your men (big and small) always and especially this week.

  2. Amber, I haven't seen you for years but I pray for you every day :-) Paige and I wish you the best...stay strong!

    --Toby Brown

  3. Amber,
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You are going to do amazing tomorrow. The first week or so is going to be hard and you're going to have to rely on everyone around you. That was the hardest part for me. But you deserve a little pampering and to be taken care of. My favorite thing was going to the salon to get my hair washed. It was amazing!! I'll be thinking about you tomorrow!