Sunday, August 5, 2012

Bouncing Back

It was a quiet Sunday morning in our house.  Don was up at the lake for our annual "kid -less" weekend.  Hopefully everyone had a great time!  I am sorry I missed it and look forward to next years!  The boys were with Don and Wendy since yesterday early afternoon.  Whitney and I spent our afternoon yesterday just relaxing, watched a movie and then did dinner.  I woke up this morning and my throat was a little dry and scratchy, but I  feel good.

Yesterday before the kids went with Wendy, we took them for their pictures.   The boys did great despite the fact that Ryan decided to have an EXPLOSIVE diaper on the way there.  This incident went to show how different I have become from a month ago.  A month ago, I would have panicked and felt like the pictures were ruined because of this.  Not yesterday, I just rolled with it. He stunk so bad and his jeans belonged in the garbage after what happened, but we got through the pictures with huge smiles and laughter and even though we all knew he needed a bath!  Just memories, we will always now remember Ryan pooped his pants before those pictures and stunk so bad!  That is all!

I have felt pretty good since last treatment.  I have noticed my bad days are not Sunday and Monday after chemo like they warned me about.  Mine have proven to be Monday and Tuesday.  Those days I'm more tired, weak and maybe impatient?  Don, Whitney or Justin do you want to chime in here?   I can tell the more treatment I have, the harder it has been to bounce back to "Amber".  I was thinking about this the other day and it brought me to tears (it doesn't take a lot), but I thought of older individuals going through chemo.  I'm 33 and it takes me literally almost a full week to be back to where I should be.  How in the hell does an older individual "bounce back"?  I try to use my age to keep me strong and to keep up the good fight, but lets face it, I don't feel like a 33 year old anymore.  

Treatment after treatment I notice new things side effects, but mostly it is the fatigue and feeling of weakness.   It is understandable, but yet so frustrating!  I'm 33 and want to be super mom, super wife and super business women. I try to ignore the random side effects and fool myself into thinking I'm not tired, but the side effects seem to always win these days and it is so annoying! Still I will not give up and I'm not willing to give up on mastering my super hero skills so this past week, I have decided to add to my army to fight this stupid disease.  I have added food and meditation with the help of an old co-worker who left Porsche to teach yoga and meditation.  I'm learning a lot from her and look forward to learning more as we go.  

This should be a quiet week until Friday.  I am scared of course to go on Friday, but understand that Dr. Hantel has a back up plan.  Part of me feels like we are going on that plan and have tried to prepare myself for that.  It will be really difficult to do weekly treatments since I feel like I need that week in between treatment to "bounce back", but on the other hand, I don't want to waste anymore time and if the current treatment isn't doing what we want, let's move on.  So prayers this week for shrinkage and strength!




  1. Great pics of the kids! And as always well written. Hang in there you have a ton of people praying for you!!

  2. Yoga and meditation are two good things to help you Amber! Whatever it takes, huh?! :) The pictures are adorable - I think Ryan is just happy to have unloaded. I'd smile that big too :) Keep on posting, we are all following you and soaking in every word, praying every day, and looking forward to the day next year when all is well with your world. Love you much! Aunt Tam

  3. I am trying to figure out how to post a comment and not having much success. Anyway, we are so proud of you, Amber. You are an inspiration to us. Just continue to take care of yourself. Our prayers are with you. The kid's pictures are so cute I am glad the smell did not come through. Ha. I will take your word on how stinky Ryan's pants were. He sure seemed relieved.

  4. I found this for you, Amber. You could have written this.

    "Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." — Michael Jordan

  5. Rose Ann's "Amber" shirt came in today and it is really neat. She will wear it proudly.

  6. I love your ability to find the silver lining. Poopy pants = a funny memory to tuck away. You are stronger than you think - never doubt that.
    And a parting thought - invest in a sign that says, "The bitch is back". Hang the sign conspicuously when your moods are waning to give the family fair warning. Then take time to allow yourself to grieve, be pissed, scream, cry.
    Got our awesome shirts this week from your sis, Jess. Can't wait to upload a photo of me & the kids in our shirts - showing our support. We are sending gobs of love & prayers. Hang in there, Gabby (Nevada family)