It has been a long week for me! This 4th round proved to kick me while I was down! Usually I can say by Wednesday evening that I have most of my energy back and I feel like my "chemo brain" disappears and I can start to be me again. This didn't happen this time! Monday was just okay, not bad, but not good. Tuesday.....Well, it was a bad day. My brain didn't work and my eyes were bothered. This side effect has not happened since treatment 1. This time, light bothered my eyes and I could hardly keep my eyes open I was so tired. On Wednesday I still felt sluggish, but went to see Liz at lunch to meditate and do some yoga. Of course this was helpful and I felt so much better after leaving there. I need to remember to take this time on my own throughout the day though and not just rely on our sessions! Thursday, I guess I don't remember anything too much about it so maybe it was not that bad. Friday!! YAY! My brain was back and functioning!!
We headed up to the lake this weekend in MI. It was just what the Doctor ordered! We left Friday after work. Both boys were awesome on the car ride and I dozed a little, which isn't like me in the car. Yesterday was great! The weather was perfect. Too chilly for me to swim, but not too chilly for Justin! We spent the afternoon on the boat and even Ryan enjoyed his time and took a nice snooze in the middle of the calm lake. Last night we had s'mores by the fire and Justin and his friend Lucy told scary stories! It was just a great relaxing weekend. We headed home early today so we still had some time today to watch NASCAR and well, take naps.
Weekly treatments start on Friday. The thought of entering the cancer center these days makes my stomach hurt and my mouth water and this stinks because I still have a long way to go! Last Friday when Don and I pulled into the parking garage I started crying. I told him I wanted to go into the hospital and have another baby. He didn't get it at first. I don't really want another baby, but what I was getting at was I wanted to be pulling in to the parking garage for something exciting like we had 5 months before all of this to have Ryan when our biggest fear was what are we going to name him. Those days were not easy days and I am not making light of having a child and the daily concerns that come with it, but this just sucks! There is nothing rewarding about having the job of cancer.
I know there will be an end reward when I can burn everything that I have now associated with the cancer center or chemo: my water bottle that I can't even look at because I swear there are drugs in it from just being with me at the cancer center. My pink sweatshirt that I have to wear on treatment days because it is so cold in there that I freeze, but then sweat (thank you early on-set menopause) and the latest happened today..... I went to put some paid bills in my "cancer binder" and when I opened it, my mouth watered and I thought I was going to get sick. Really my binder?! I guess this will be a long 12 weeks!
This is a big week for the Naughtons. Tuesday starts Kindergarten for Justin. He is so excited and so are we (although taking on this too makes me wish we had 1 more year of just pre-school) but he is ready and I can't wait to watch him learn this year! Friday starts my new chemo regiment of Taxol every week and add in carboplatinum every 3rd week. I am anxious about this. I am scared that I won't be able to bounce back quick enough to be hit weekly, but I plan to get my mind set straight this week and just fight through it the best I can. It is what I have to do to get to the end result. Just pray for me that I can do this!
Well, it is time to close up shop and relax some before a great week ahead!